Rains

Green all around.And a little bit of brown here and there.And lots of water.Everywhere.Sparkling and beautiful.The pleasant earthy smell,stirring up feelings and memories.Yes the rains are here.Big time.
As far as i can remember i have always loved the rains.Even when they ruined my plans and my dresses.Even when i got drenched  in it on the wretched day i was wearing that white shirt,i have loved them.I dont remember the first time i ran into the showers but i have lost count of how many times i have done that.
Nothing could ever stop me from doing it.Not mom(though she tried real hard),not my friends(the one who ran into the nearest shelter at the slightest hint of rains) and finally not even my crisp white shirt.
The rains  inspire me and make me happy,they feel like little droplets of blessings and laughter that God is showering on us.
The rains depress me and make me cry too,they make memories too fresh and make me feel lonely.
I have innumerable memories of rain.
Be it the time when i went directly to our apartment's terrace from school and got myself soaked to bones,coz i was afraid to face Dad after my bad results.
Be it the time i tried to catch the falling rain drops on my face by leaning on my balcony railings.
Be it the time i stood inside my room with my nose glued to the window pane (like a three year old),looking at the crashing strings of rain,wishing i was outside.
Be it the time me and friends ran to the terrace and danced in the first showers at midnight.
Be it the time i stood alone in the rains,hugging myself trying not to feel the tears that ran down my cheeks with the raindrops.
Be it the time i sat inside my room,wrapped in a bed sheet with a coffee mug in hand,listening to the sounds of rain outside and wishing i had someone to cuddle up to.
Be it the time i walked alone in the rain on the street, totally careless and psycho like, while everyone else was running hither and tither for shelter.
Be it the time i lay down on the roof, with the rain hitting me on the face and dreamed about all the insensible things.
Be it the time i was enjoying the rain and a car went by and splashed me all over and i yelled,"bloody weirdo" at it and it turned out he was my chemistry teacher.

So many memories.And every year new ones keep getting added to it.And the list goes on.When people curse the rain,I smile inside and say to it,"Dont mind, they dont see how much fun you are".I keep enjoying them.It brings out the child in me.And it brings out the woman in me.Its a friend,a compatriot.The Rains...........

Wants.......

Wants.Everyone has them.Some we openly accept,some we secretly cherish.But we do have them.From wanting a lollipop when we were 5 years old to wanting that new cell phone when we were 15 years.Throughout our life we have always wanted something.From silly things like wanting to wear that outrageously sexy and revealing outfit to wanting to eat chocolate ice cream at midnight to serious things like wanting to get into that top college or wanting to win that championship,every moment,every second of our life we have been consumed by our wants.

Not all our wants are fulfilled.Not all are supposed to be.But i want to let go of everything and say aloud what I want before I forget I ever wanted them.
i want to get drunk alone.
i want to get drunk alone in a beach at night.
i want to laugh out loud in a public place without turning heads.
i want a giant sized bathroom.
i want a hair straightner.
i want to eat without thinking about a paunch.
i want to smoke and not raise eyebrows.
i want to play the guitar someday.
i want to kiss Hugh Jackman.
i want to close my eyes and go to sleep peacefully.
i want to wake up to someone always.
i want to just hold someone's hand and stop worrying about anything.
i want to learn to cook chicken.
i want to dance in the rain.

i want to own a pair of victoria's secret.
i want to cuddle next to someone.
i want a swimming pool in my bedroom.
i want to be loved.
i want to be understood.
i want to go to the corner and ball myself up and cry till i am sore.
i want to be happy.
i want to be trusted.
i want to make the perfect omlette.
i want to keep my white shirt spotless.
i want to understand football.
i want................
Silly things.Obvious things.Crazy things.

This has been one of the silliest posts i have ever written.But i had to get something off my chest and this is what i came up with.I still wonder if I am sure of what i really want.Guess I will never know.Till then will keep on wanting..........

A Love letter

To you,

Ever since you have come into my life, the meaning of my life has changed. You are now like the sunshine for me. The first rays of the warm bright sun on my face, tingling me awake from the deep slumber I was in. You are like the fresh swirl of air, the sweet smelling wind after the rains, that makes me close my eyes and thank god for giving me this life. You are like the cool and charming droplets of water like the drizzles that falls on my body and makes me feel like I was reborn. Your words touch me like the virgin buds of orchids, soft and caring and yet awaking the deepest emotions inside me. Your smile is like bright flash of light, blinding me every time.

You are like the watch, ever ticking and ever making me look forward to you. You are like the freshly brewed coffee, seductive and sensuous, filling me with the concoctions of your wonderful smell. You are like my personal painkiller, my personal tension reliever, your touch does wonders to me, it makes me feel the most wonderful person in the whole wide world. Your eyes make me go wild. Your stares make me want to hold your face between my hands and look into your eyes forever and ever. The single train of your touch that goes from my shoulders tracing till your hands find my wrists and wrap themselves around my hands is like the fire to the icy feelings inside my body. The bashful smile that you give when I catch you staring at me makes my heart stop and start again. The way you holds my hands, intertwining your fingers with mine and enjoy the silence with me, makes me feel a peace that had eluded me for ages. The way your lips fold themselves around mine, hard and soft, rough and careful, makes me feel my body belongs to you in more ways than it belongs to me. You are like Sunday afternoon for me, always easy going and relaxing. I feel safe the moment I am in your arms. You are like the shot of tequila, which burns my throat and makes me feel warm from inside.

You are the reason the winters seem like spring to me. I look for you in every song. I look for you in every happiness of mine. I want to turn to you in the cold nights and I want to turn to you in the hot days. I want to kiss you goodnight every night and I want to wake up to my personal sun every morning. I want to shed every tear on your shoulders and be with you through everything. I want the classic cliché in my life; I want to grow old with you. I just want to love you. Selflessly, childishly, without expectations, without limitations. I want to a witness to your life. A silent one maybe, I don’t care. I love you and nothing else matters.

From me.



This is not for m boyfriend (coz I don’t have one). This is not for any guy. This is just a love letter. Could be from any guy to any girl. Could be from any girl to any guy. A little inspiration from a friend and total absence of hesitation on my part made this happen. I don’t know why I have posted this. But I like it weird ways. After all love does make the world go round!!!!

sweet sentiments

I yawn and get up from my bed and walk to the the next room (still yawning).but before i reach the next room,BANG my head slams right into the wall i thought was the door while still half asleep......OUCH!!!my eyes spring open and finally this time i wake up for real.DAMN!

As I drag my legs into the room (all the while rubbing my head),i realize something is not right.There is an eerie silence in the room.all the lights are on.there is no music coming from the laptop.but what really makes my eyes pop out and leaves my brain gasping for oxygen (i don't know if something like this is possible,but it felt like that then) is that occupants of both the beds have their eye glued to the books in front of them and are studying!i gulp,do a double take and looke at the watch........6 30  in the morning.was something wrong?did they eat something weird in dinner?no that's not possible,we ate together.so what happened really?

As i stand there taking in the scene,Swayam looks up from her book at me.Her eyes have the look that say  "Yes,how may i help you?".I say nothing,just move in and sit on the edge of her bed,but inside my head i am  shrieking,WHAT THE FUCK?While i sit there thinking if this is real or did i hit my head that bad,Monu(aka Monisha) says something to me that i miss completely.Huh?My reaction to her question.She rolls her eyes and asks me again ,"tera sab ho gaya kya?"I dint understand what she was asking at first,but as the words sink in and as I look around again, I realize what exactly is wrong.EXAMS.And then all life goes out of body!

"HOLY SHIT",I shriek (i doubt there might have been few people who did not hear me in the 10km radius).Where did the whole night go?What was i supposed to do now?I have a paper in exactly 3 hours and I have not studied one bit (okay maybe i have studied just ONE bit).Whatever happened to the alarm I had set?(At that exact moment I felt like breaking my cell into one million beautiful pieces).The room was swirling around me.How could I sleep through the night?As my senses come back to me,i realize the population in the room has increased from three earlier to five now.Gayatri and Meenakshi have joined us and all four of them were looking at me with careful and guarded expressions.I know they were waiting for me to explode ( that would have been a very "me" reaction) but all i do is just gulp to wet my dry throat and ask in a voice that dint sound like it belonged to me,"What do i do now?"

 Rewinding back,to the evening before,everything had been the usual.I had acoustics the next day and I had not started studying yet.Normal and usual!I had spent the whole evening chatting with my friends mentioned earlier.I don't know what the catalyst is but the night before the exam seems to be the most wonderful night to discuss every non-significant and significant detail in every one's life.We had all huddled on two beds and were chatting.None of us was least bothered that there was something called the exam the next day(though we all did have a pile of notes in our hands).God!I love my hostel life.I had great room mates (great sense of humor,great personalities,great looks and great asses too!),I had one corner completely to myself (something not everyone in hostel can boast of!),there were no bitches around (helped coz i dint have to use my precious nails then)........and to top it all of i had a balcony attached to my room!but coming back to the reason I best loved my hostel life was...my roomies.I got some kick ass ones.Guys you made my life rocking!This is an ode to you.To swayam,who was always there to make me laugh with her antics and offer a shoulder to cry,to monisha for her unbiased love and undeserving affection,to gayatri,for her never ending patience for my freaky doings,to meenakshi,for bearing with my ever ready leg pulling!Guys thanks,u made my life rocking!!

Coming back to the exam the next day.I did not screw it up.Actually taking into account the circumstances,it went pretty well.The 2 hours cramming in the morning did help.So as I come out of the exam hall laughing with my friends,I look at each of them and think about my life without them and realize there is lot worse shit that can happen than the alarm not going off the before exam night and I would not mind facing them as long as i have the silver lining of my friends!!!

something special

Its been a while since I last closed my eyes to think and wrote a post for my blog.Every time I sat down to make my thoughts flow through my fingers and through the keyboard and finally then to the laptop screen I came up with a blank.Actually I was waiting for something special to happen.Special enough for me to make a blog entry of it (I don't know when I fit this weird 'special' theory into the pig head of mine!).What I dint realize was that a lot of special things were actually happening.But at that time what I think I realized was that they were not special enough (two words: pig head).I had forgotten how special small simple things can be.While i was waiting for THE special things to happen,I had closed my eyes to the special things actually happening around me.

I had stopped noticing how special my simple life was.I had stopped noticing how special my mom's smile was.I had stopped noticing how special my sweet little sis was.I had stopped noticing how special each and every person around me were.
Now as I stop and look back,I wonder when did that happen???When did all these things start appearing normal to me?When did i start taking them for granted??When???When actually did i become such a pig head?

How could I not notice how special my friend looked in her simple white dress as she went on her first date?How could I not feel how special the moment was when all my friends and me tried cigarette for the first time and coughed till there were tears in our eyes(improper maybe,but how come not special)?How could I not feel how special the moment was when my best friend gave me a tight hug?How could I not feel how special the moment was when my room mate made coffee for me in the dead of the night before exams so that I don't feel sleepy?How did I not feel how special the moment was when we all made half cooked maggie at 4 in the morning coz we were dying of hunger?

Were these not special because I dint feel so or were these not special because they were so simple?Have simple things stopped being special?Yesterday one of my friends was jumping on the bed (thankfully not mine!)with absolute glee coz her boyfriend had given her a teddy the size of a gorilla and I could say that it was a special moment for her.Today I saw a couple eating ice cream candies by the roadside,but I cant say if the moment was special for them.How can any moment cease to become special when you are with the one you love?So what actually qualifies something to be 'special'?I suppose this question will bring out different answers from different persons.But today I want to cherish all the moments in my life that I think were real 'special'.

I want to cherish the life talks we need to have every night just before the exams.I want to cherish the heart to heart talks I have with my sister about the grave problems that are there in a 10 year old's life.I want to cherish the 'boyfriend' analysis sessions we have.I want to cherish the cooking afternoons I have with my mom.I want to cherish the roadside 'puchka' eating outings.I want to cherish the mad dancing fits me and my friends have.I want to cherish all the simple special moments I (my pig head,actually) ignored earlier.

To conclude I want to cherish the time when a simple red rose blooming in the midst of the greens appeared to me as the most special thing in the whole wide world...........